queerxtonks

Song Inspiration

I've reached equilibrium with the concrete of my back patio. The sun's behind the house now so there's no sun in my eyes but I can still feel prickling on the back of neck - threatening to start a trickle of sweat in three, two, one.

I haven't sweat from being outside in the heat in too long. Staying indoors, buried under blankets and tumblr posts and lists of things to do once I'm feeling better, is my biggest temptation. I give into it far too often. Sloth, lust, anger, despair, greed: these sins are twisted up inside me and drag my heart down. Prayers I memorized before I could read now feel unfamiliar on my tongue. Too heavy (sloth), too limiting (lust), too simple (anger), too mysterious (despair) and overall not enough (greed). I'm tired of searching, of wondering, of loneliness, of being the outcast. 

My lower spine and pelvis hurt. My room is a mess. I baked too much and now I'll probably gain five lbs eating all of it.